Psycology in dating
When you're denying reality, seeking to blame others and avoid responsibility, then making your ex-partner the bad guy is really pretty easy and makes sense.Making your partner out to be the bad one, and the one who has done wrong, can make your wrong behavior seem right. Like a snowball, lies just keep getting bigger and bigger, and they're hard to stop once started.
Okay, now you have some idea of the cheater's mindset.When this continues, the commonalities aren’t so apparent. Now, just suppose the two of you want to maintain the marriage. How can you possibly fall in love with such a person again?You are torn because it would be good to keep the relationship but the feelings just aren’t there. My answer is: Feeling can come back, but the process is backwards from the way it was the first time.I've answered her 'how' questions in the previous post, How Do Men Cheat. Here's part of her original request: Since denial is one of the coping mechanisms that cheating men use to mentally make it okay to cheat, rewriting history and blaming their partners shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.When cheaters rewrite history and blame everything on their partners, there’s even less that they have to deny.So you have allowed one person into your inner world, in the course of being together, and each step of the way you felt understood.
This person, in return, continues to be intrigued by that process of knowing you, and wants more. That is part one (how your partner makes you feel).
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The wife of a cheating man recently asked me to help her understand why do men cheat in more depth.
As you let him or her into your private self, your partner did the same.
And what did you find inside your partner’s heart and soul? Although opposites do attract, the fundamental, deep-down attraction comes from a reflection of oneself.
Not only is this person validating you, but his very being (because it’s so much like yours) validates you all the more. (Incidentally, if you don’t see this, you do have to plumb the depths to find it. The surface includes a host of differences, but deep down you’ll find the sameness.) So what’s “falling out of love”? You have opened up your soul; you’ve been vulnerable, and what did you get for it? The betrayal doesn’t have to be as raw as cheating, although it can be that.