When you say to me “either you want me or you don’t,” that makes me feel backed against a wall. Navigating dating can be as difficult for humans as turning pumpkins into carriages. But I digress …) You have been in the ashes for so long.I DO like you, very much, but I need more time with you to really know whether we are a good match or not. Dan Allender says, “Every woman will labor with loneliness; every man will struggle with futility. Sometimes people made you feel like you are not beautiful, until you told that to yourself. In your fairytale world, romantic love is the happy ending, the thing that rescues the girl. But can you understand how unhealthy it is to believe you only have worth when a man tells you you are valuable?
As Donald Miller says in his book, ): “I don’t know if there’s a healthier way for two people to stay in love than to stop using each other to resolve their unfulfilled longings and, instead, start holding each other closely as they experience them.” Sincerely, Your Fairy Godmother P. This letter went so well that I am thinking about quitting this Fairy Godmother stuff, which doesn’t pay well, and becoming a Life Coach. Like you said, you need time to gather good information about Cinderella regarding whether or not you are a good match.The trick here is that after a good amount of time and lots of good information, if you do come to the conclusion that you are not a good match, you need to set her free. Even if it hurts her at first, it will be better in the long run.You have wanted to stay a boy because deep down you don’t really know if you have what it takes to be a man.A lot of identity questions come up when there is a possibility for commitment.I know in my younger days, I would long for romantic love with every sinew in my body. The truth is, you are already intrinsically valuable.
No one can take that away from you, and no one can prove it to you.
Allow these conversations to help you navigate whether you are a good match or not. When you have that insatiable need to be loved come up, talk to him about what you are going through rather then pushing him against a wall.
Don’t command him to fill your desire to be loved, but converse with him about your struggles in this area.
I was afraid of getting out of the zone because according to my culture, that meant I should be ready to get married. I finally decided that my rules were not working well for me, so I took a plunge into the dating pool. You’re a lot taller than me, but I can work with that. I feel so much PRESSURE from you and all of these other girls.
Staying a boy sounded better than facing this much pressure. I have gone out on some dates to get to know people, and even to challenge myself to get out of the friend zone. I found that to be a little strange, so I decided to move on. I could tell she wanted me to kiss her to wake her up, but I was not ready to kiss someone that I hadn’t talked to yet. The “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” culture taught me that I should only date someone if I know I am going to marry them.
Don’t hold on to her because you are afraid of hurting her, and DON’T hold on to her just because it feels good to have someone who likes you. If you do realize that you would be great together and that you really can see a future with her, it’s time to take the next step and commit.