Dating someone chronic illness
This piece is not meant to speak for how others experience these conditions or any other type of illness.Nor do I think these suggestions are necessarily universally applicable or useful for everyone.
The only thing more awkward than meeting your ex on a blind date-is having someone tell you something on a first date like “I have ass cancer,” and then having them STARE at you while a single, silent tear slips down their cheek. (or guy.) People are going to follow your lead when it comes to the state of your disease. I’m not saying you have to hug your fibromyalgia lovingly in your arms every night, but you at least have to be able to get through a flare in public without openly weeping. Partners of those with chronic illnesses are probably the closest things to super heroes.If someone doesn’t want to be with you, there will be someone else. Will you spend three hours on your hair then realize you need a nap? Your illness will limit a lot of things in your life–but it doesn’t make you any less able to be loved. And better to be happy, searching for the right one–than miserable and feeling worse about yourself with the wrong one. If there’s a positive to be had from this, it does force your prioritize the invites that are most important to you.No matter how much you like someone; it’s almost never worth sacrificing your energy reserves and potentially aggravating your condition to go on a date.In either case, below are some special considerations that you may want to think about.
Conserve your spoons & spend them wisely If you’re not already familiar with If we follow this analogy, spoons represent the energy it takes to perform every task you have to do in a day.
” So allow them the courtesy of saying it (to themselves) in the privacy of their own bedroom while staring at their laptop. Feel comforted in the fact that you can’t see their hands flittering over the keyboard trying to come up with a supportive/appropriate/charming response. If you haven’t come to terms with it yet and are still in a phase of mourning your old life–you probably aren’t ready to date anyway.
And let them have the ability to untangle this information before you sit down to your first date. You’ve got to love yourself–with or without the disease, if you’re going to expect someone new in your life to do the same. –but slamming your fist down on the table every time you decree a new amendment on how you will be treated as a partner is not going to win you any suitors. Remember that relationships are a two way street and you’ve got be willing to put out just as much as you need to take in.
If they don’t want to go out with you after learning you have Crohn’s, Lupus, whatever–then that’s that. You have to be understanding of people when it comes to your chronic disease.
Understand that their first reaction probably will be “what the fuck? People can sense your uneasiness about your disease.
At the end of the day you know yourself & your body best.